Reasons Why Married People Cheat

Author: Florida Women's Law Group
Date: May 10 2021

Reasons Why Married People Cheat

Most married people never intend to cheat and most agree that cheating is wrong.  However, infidelity happens in 15%-25% of all marriages.  There are many possible reasons that a partner my be unfaithful and the underlying theme in most is one or more of their needs are not being met.  It is important to say that a partner is not responsible for their spouse cheating on them.  The fault lies completely on the cheating spouse, they alone made the decision to stray from the marriage.

Before we look at reasons for cheating the motives driving an affair differs between men and women.  Men are more likely to have an affair and are looking for sex or attention.  Men tend to express themselves more physically than emotionally and if they feel as if their wife is not as interested in sex they take it as a rejection and feel insecure.  Therefore, they will look outside of the marriage for affirmation and to have desires met.  Women on the other hand, look for more of an emotional connection.  If they are feeling ignored or unappreciated in their marriage, they are looking for someone to desire and value them.

There are some factors that can increase the chance of there being infidelity in the marriage.  If one spouse has addictions, it lowers inhibitions and judgement and it could put them at a higher risk of cheating.  Having a parent that was unfaithful can oftentimes increase the likelihood of them having an affair in their own marriage.  Personality and mental illness can also contribute to cheating.  A narcissist or someone with bipolar disorder can be a risk factor as well.

There are many reasons that a spouse will stray from the marriage, we will discuss some of the most common ones.

• Incompatibility – In the beginning of a marriage spouses may have a lot of shared interests and personalities that mesh well together. As the marriage progresses, children are born and life changes, couples may start to find that they are no longer as compatible as they once were early on.  The cheating spouse may be seeking someone they have more in common with or matches better with their personality.
  
  
• Sexless Marriage – The pressures of life, work and parenthood can leave couples exhausted and uninterested in sex. Intimacy and sex are a large part of a marriage and if one spouse’s needs are not being met, they may search for sexual fulfillment from someone else.
  
  
• Insecurity and Aging – You have seen the older man with a girl young enough to be his daughter, it is a way for him to prove to himself that he is still desirable. Aging can take a toll on the ego and some spouses need to know that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.  If one spouse has put on weight or ‘let themselves go’ the other spouse may use that as an excuse for being unfaithful.  Reminder that cheating is the cheater’s fault and a spouse doesn’t cause it.
  
  
• Boredom – Couples who have been married for 30, 40 or 50 years will tell you that a marriage ebbs and flows. There are times things are really hard and then times that are full of joy.  During one of these down times a spouse may engage in an affair for the excitement.  They may also be looking to fulfill a fantasy or for the thrill of the chase and the feelings that come with a new relationship.
  
  
• Feeling Unappreciated – The demands of work, the upkeep of the home and raising children can lead to feelings of not being appreciated or valued. Spouses can feel that they are being neglected or that their contributions to the family are not being acknowledged.  An affair can make them feel worthy and appreciated.

As we said in the beginning, most of these reasons have the central theme of needs not being met.  Communication is vital to a marriage, a partner is not a mind reader.  If spouses do not talk with one another and express how they are feeling or where there are problems in the marriage, then there is no resolution.  An affair is a way of avoiding the problem and conflict.  Marriage is not easy, it involves work and commitment by both parties.  Being honest with one another and being willing to work on the relationship can help ensure that the marriage stays solid.

Florida Women’s Law Group is here to help women like you get through divorce and come out the other side better in every way.  We strongly encourage our clients to seek therapy if they think their husband may be cheating or if he has admitted to being unfaithful.  It is a good idea to turn to a professional to help guide you through all the emotions you will experience.