7 Traits A Narcissist Looks For In A Target

7 Traits a Narcissist Looks for in a Target

A relationship with a narcissist is challenging, confusing and toxic.  Their lack of empathy and controlling and manipulative behavior puts those in a relationship with them in a constant cycle of abuse and self-doubt.  If your partner is a narcissist, you may wonder “why me?” 

You may find yourself wondering how you ended up with someone like this who demands so much from you and gives nothing in return.  You were once a strong, confident woman who now lives her life walking on eggshells and constantly trying to please their partner.  Don’t beat yourself up, you were exactly the type of person a narcissist looks for to feed their supply.

It is a misconception that narcissists target weak, vulnerable people because they will be easier to manipulate.  They actually go for the exact opposite.  They look for people who are confident, successful, attractive and strong-willed.  Someone who possess these traits makes them look better and makes others envious that they are with you.  They also want to tear you down.  This makes them feel powerful and accomplished that they were able to take someone who is so strong and impressive and destroy them.

Traits a Narcissist Targets for Supply 

Narcissists are very calculating in who they choose to be their supply.  They are always looking for ways to feel better about themselves so they look for partners that can boost their ego in some way.  Seven common traits of narcissist supply include:

1. Empathetic – Narcissists lack any empathy, so they gravitate towards people who are caring and put other people before themselves. When a target is abused by a narcissist, they are manipulated into taking the narcissist’s side and believing that they are responsible for their partner’s hurtful words and actions.
   
   
2. Past Trauma – They like to target people who have trauma in their past or had difficult childhoods. They find what their target needs and then acts like a hero by fulfilling that need.  Their goal is to not make their victim independent and powerful but to make them dependent thankful to the narcissist for saving them.
   
   
3. Lacking Boundaries – A narcissist does not like boundaries. They look for targets who are unable to set or maintain their boundaries.  They use this to manipulate and transfer blame and accountability to their partners.  They know you won’t tell them no and that they can easily control you.
   
   
4. Forgiving – An ideal target is a forgiving and caring person. They quickly and easily forgive the narcissist’s bad behavior and look past their negative traits.  The forgiving target will make excuses for the narcissist and usually take the blame for the abuse.
   
   
5. Nurturing People Pleasers – They ideal target loves to take care of other people and is always counted on to help everyone. Since a narcissist must be the center of attention and needs everything to be about them, a pleaser is the perfect target.
   
   
6. Willing to Accept Blame – A narcissist is never wrong and therefore never accepts responsibility for any hurtful or abusive words or actions. They need someone who will accept the blame and responsibility for everything even if they did nothing wrong.  They make their target feel as if everything is their fault and redirects away from their own bad behavior.
   
   
7. Avoids Confrontation – Narcissists thrive on drama. They like to cause it and be right in the middle of it.  Of course, they never accept any accountability and love to play the victim.  Their ideal target avoids conflict and confrontation and prefers to keep the peace or cause waves.  This is perfect for the narcissist, they will not be challenged or confronted and allowed to act however they want with no repercussions.

The traits that a narcissist look for are admirable, attractive qualities in a person.  They are traits that they narcissist doesn’t possess themselves but wish they did.  They see you as a supply that can give them what they want and need.  They need you to worship and admire them and will get it by any means necessary.  They thrive on controlling and bullying their targets with little regard for you or your feelings.  Their focus is themselves and what you and others can do for them while they give nothing in return.

There is a way to successfully get out of a marriage to a narcissist.  The most important step is to have a plan.  It is not easy to divorce a narcissist but with proper planning it can be done.  At Florida Women’s Law Group, we have experience dealing with narcissists and know how to beat them at their own game.  We can help you successfully get out of this relationship and start a healthier and happier life. To explore your options, book a preliminary call with us here.