10 Life Lessons I've Learned

Author: Florida Women's Law Group
Date: Sep 01 2021

10 Lessons I’ve Learned About Life

I recently turned 50, it’s so hard to believe!  I remember being a teenager and thinking 50 was so old.  In my mind I’m still that young girl and I only really remember that I’m not when I get called “ma’am” by someone younger.  Well, I don’t really bounce back like used to either, too many drinks one-night leads to days of recovery!

As I’m watching my children grow into young adults, I can’t help but think about my life at their ages.  I do not want to go back to my twenties, maybe my pre-baby body, but not the insecurities of that decade.  My thirties were good, they were filled with having my children and learning to be a parent.  My forties were really when I feel like I became comfortable with myself and learned some important things about life.  As I’m entering this fifth decade, I thought I would share what I have learned a long the way about life.

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff. We have all heard this, but it wasn’t until the last five or so years that I really started to understand it.  When I was younger, I would get so worked up about things and stew on them and hold grudges.  As I’ve aged, I realized that most of those things really do not matter.  It would take so much of my time and energy and within a week it did not matter anymore. It’s just not worth it.  Before you get over emotional about something ask yourself if it really matters, how does it really affect your daily life?  Most of the small things have no lasting impact on your life.
   
   
2. It takes so much energy to be angry. I think we all know people who are just Debbie Downers.  They are always grumpy or complaining about something.  It takes a lot of work to be angry all the time and it really gets you nowhere and people don’t want to be around you.  It’s so much easier to be happy and positive.  Don’t get me wrong, I have my days where I’m just in a bad mood but when I really look at how much brain power it takes to sustain it, it’s easier to just let it go.
   
   
3. Don’t give advice unless you’re asked. We all know people who freely tell you their opinion whether you asked them or not.  Most of the time you certainly didn’t want it.  A valuable lesson I have learned is not everyone wants your opinion.  Sometimes a friend or co-worker just needs you to listen.  Keep it to yourself unless you are asked for it.
   
   
4. Most people are focused on themselves and not you. There was a time in my life when I was really self-conscious, and I thought everyone was judging me or tallying my flaws.  Honestly, most people are only looking at themselves and you are not being judged nearly as much as you think.  For example, I play tennis and whenever I made an error, I would immediately think that my partner was upset with me and mad that I missed that shot.  What I found is at the end of the match my partner had only paid attention to what they did wrong and not my mistakes.  Stop worrying about other people.
   
   
5. Not everyone is going to like you and that is OK. In my younger years I wanted everyone to like me and would get so upset when I thought people didn’t.  It’s OK, you don’t like everyone you meet so not everyone is going to like you.  Be happy with who you are and surround yourself with people that bring you joy.
   
   
6. If it doesn’t make you happy don’t do it. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more comfortable in saying no to things I don’t want to do.  I would say yes to a lot of things because I didn’t want people to be mad at me or I was afraid to say how I really felt.  It’s OK, if you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.  If it’s going to cause you stress or makes you uncomfortable just say no.
   
   
7. Nothing lasts forever. When the market crashed in 2008 my husband and I were desperately trying to sell our house.  It took three years to sell it.  During those three years I would cry and have panic attacks because of the stress that house was causing.  We finally sold it and looking back on it, it was just a small fraction of time in my life.  Yes, it was very stressful, but it didn’t last forever.  Things will work it and while it may seem difficult you will get through it.
   
   
8. Take care of yourself. We only get one body, take care of it.  Exercise, eat right, sleep and relax.  Go to the doctor and dentist regularly.  Get mammograms, colonoscopies, pap smears and skin checks.  We are living so much longer, stay healthy get regular physicals.
   
   
9. Don’t dwell in the past. If you spend all your time living in your past and beating yourself up about mistakes you’ve made you will miss so much of life.  You can’t worry about the future or live in the past; you will only miss the present.  I feel like young people spend so much time looking at their phones and documenting their lives for social media that they are completely missing what is going on around them.  Enjoy your life and appreciate the here and now.
   
   
10. Learn to love yourself and give compliments. I think that women can be so competitive with each other and jealous of what others may have or what they look like. Let that go and appreciate yourself.  It serves no one to compare yourself to others.  I like to give compliments to friends, co-workers and strangers.  Doesn’t it make you feel good to have someone say something nice to you?  I love to tell other women when I think they’re pretty, or I like their nails or their hair or that I like their outfit.  I have one friend who is always so positive and happy.  I recently told her that she makes me happy every time I see her and that she is such a bright light.  Spread some kindness and joy and give compliments. 

This list could go on forever.  As cliché as it sounds, age really does bring wisdom.  If you are thinking about divorce, going through one or on the other side, hopefully these life lessons can help you in your recovery.

You have gotten through tough things before, and you will get through this as well.  Reflect on your marriage and how you can grow from it and then let it go.  If you keep going back to your past it makes it harder to be present in your current life and move on to your new future.  If you find that you are having trouble letting go, try talking to a friend, family member or therapist.  Working through it will help you put it behind you and focus on your future.

Divorce is just the end of this chapter in your life, not the end of you.  At Florida Women’s Law Group, we are here to represent women just like you to help you get through this and onto a better and happier life.